Bums Like Barbie

There is a tendency to jump on every intimate product offered to us ladies of which there are many new products and consumables every month. I had noticed other stores offering anal bleaching kits of late and was approached by a pharmaceutical company last month with a range of 'body enhancing' products for women of which a 'bum bleach' was the main line.

I had heard of this procedure gaining momentum in the States, whereby women visit there cosmetic surgeon for an anal lightening session. It appears there are more sparkly white, self obsessed ass holes in LA than you think. So over it comes and us ladies can now purchase the privilege of a bum hole as bright as Barbies without visiting a surgeon.

Don't we have enough to feel insecure about? Obviously not, now we have to compare the colour of our anus, developing a nation of teenage girls bending over backwards in a full length mirror lamenting over the shade of their asshole.

Who is it for? I certainly don't preoccupy myself with the hue of my ass and if your partner is lucky enough to get up close and personal the last thing he's doing is whipping out a colour chart and sizing up the shade of your sphincter.

One anal bleach manufacturer offers a 'more youthful appearance' for your anal area, as if the compliments will soon start flooding in (must remember to bend over with legs apart in Gym changing room just to show off my babies bum).

So sorry you won't be seeing anal bleach on my shelves we will save it for porn stars close ups and the grossly self obsessed. Am I the only person to see the irony in becoming anal about your anus?

PS: Joking aside if you decide to sparkle the starfish please choose a less harsh variety as long term use of these chemicals on your anus can actually cause a loss of natural pigmentation. The carcinogenic content of some bleaching kits can cause liver failure, cancer, mercury poisoning and misuse can leave serious chemical burns. Enjoy!