My conversation with Mr R

I took a call from a gentleman the other day and we had a lengthy discussion about his sex life. The couple had been married for many years and Mrs R, his wife, had never had an orgasm during sex. Mr R was very keen to spice up the marriage and pleasure his wife in a way he felt he hadn't before. The ensuing effort had led to his purchase of sexy outfits (although she insisted in turning off the lights to emerge from the ensuite), a rabbit vibrator he had brought from us 4 months prior and a lubricant to use during sex. Mrs R hadn't enjoyed the rabbit vibrator although Mr R had loved using it on her, she felt the rotating shaft was unnatural and hadn't enjoyed the experience. Our conversation lasted for 1/2 an hour and at the end I really felt for Mr R, he loved and wanted his wife but felt he always seemed to miss the mark when it came to her sexual satisfaction.

He knew that she used sex toys alone as he found various women's toys in her drawer so why hadn't they succeeded in enjoying them together? It really only boils down to one thing; communication.
It seemed Mrs R had become accustomed to not having an orgasm with her husband and enjoyed a collection of vibrators when he left the house. It had become a habitual pattern of behaviour whereby they enjoyed the intimacy of sex but Mrs R only expected to experience the joy of orgasm during self pleasure. A sexy outfit is always top of the 'improve your sex life list' but in reality dressing up the outside isn't going to improve a sex life which needs working on from the inside. Opening up communication, letting go, trusting your partner, experimenting and demonstrating what it is that you find pleasurable are the list toppers.

'Spice up your sex life' its a women's mag cliche, but number one top of the list is not to light a few candles and rub in some massage oil but to TALK. I understand that this can be difficult, some people just aren't comfortable talking about their sexual preferences but little steps eventually take you a long way and sometimes grabbing a rabbit and donning suspenders just isn't going to break down a sexual routine built up over many years.

What did I suggest to Mr R? Well for practical advice, instead of a rabbit vibrator (he brought the thruster anyway!) I suggested a clitoral vibrator for his wife and gave him a few positions to adopt so that she could integrate her usual clitoral massage when they made love. We chose a cock ring to keep him harder to the longer sessions and a vibrating ring to use in the missionary position. I suggested he leave the sexy outfits until they were both comfortable with a new approach and that he ask her about the ways in which she pleasures herself with some direction on his technique.

A great sex life isn't just about the earth shattering orgasms but the intimacy and trust it can create which very quickly benefit all areas of your life. Enjoy!

Oh and good luck to Mr R, you have got to love the man for trying!

The perfect hand job

He's been at it for as long as he can remember but that doesn't mean to say he won't enjoy your technique for teasing his tackle. Mutual masturbation can be an enjoyable part of your sexual repertoire and fantastic for times when you can't or just don't fancy penetrative sex. A male masturbator is always an option when pleasuring your partner but all you need to get started is your hand and a good drop of sex lubricant or masturbation cream such as Stroke 29.
There are a few simple basics to take into consideration:

• You need to apply the right amount of pressure, no floppy grips or an eye popping squeeze to bring your hand job to a halt
• Rhythm is important as if you were moving to music. Maintaining a strong rhythmic pump is particularly important in the build up to orgasm.
• Keep an angle that isn't going to strain his manhood
• Pay particular attention to his trigger points which are the penis head and V Point (the part of the foreskin where the head meets the shaft). These are areas of extreme pleasure and sensitivity for your man and concentrating your movement to stimulate these areas will really benefit him

When his cock is hard a gentle play is a good way to begin and using your own natural lubricant can be a real visual treat. Lick your fingers and slide your saliva around the penis head, running your fingertips around the underside of the head and lightly rubbing the frenulum to get him nice and hard. Once you begin pumping with your hand use a lube either drizzled directly on him or by rubbing it into your hands first. The slippery slide will feel pleasurable and enable you to use a thumb or side of finger on the up stroke to gently rub over his sensitive head.

Every man's sensitivity levels are different and it always best to listen to the response you are getting. Ask your partner to show you how he likes to masturbate and don't be afraid to take a little direction (it works both ways!) Remember that his foreskin is very thin so don't pull it down too far or too hard and fast and if your hand begins to tire, swap over or introduce another method to allow yourself time to rest.

Once you have worked a regular rhythm you should see a few signals that climax is imminent. His balls will tighten and breathing will pick up whilst his penis will bulge and even begin to pulsate in your palm. Once he is about to climax never stop your movement, keep up the rhythm until he begins to come. Begin to slow your movement once he ejaculates as the penis then becomes very sensitive and slowly come to a stop with his last contractions. After he has a come place your hand at the base of his cock and pull it up the shaft with a slight squeeze at the underside of the head to reach the last of the come - heavenly!

Derrière Delight

The sale of anal sex toys have been growing and the diversity of pleasure objects for your posterior leaves you with oodles of choice at the checkout. Anal play is an integral part of many couples sex lives but it can also be an enjoyable part of masturbation and using sex toys for self pleasure. Here is our guide to getting started with anal stimulation.

The key to enjoying anal stimulation is to induce a state of relaxation. Anal play is best explored when you have the time to prepare for pleasure, taking a sensual bath or using other tools for a gradual building of arousal levels and sexual excitement. Begin by either reclining on the bed or chair or standing with a leg propped up for access. A clitoral vibrator is best for warming up the body, increasing blood flow and getting the nerve endings standing to attention. Once you feel aroused and ready for anal play apply a sex lubricant to your anus, either directly, or by massaging the whole area including buttocks and thighs leading to the soft folds of the anal entrance. Play at the opening of your anus to benefit from the many sensitive nerve endings there and try using a vibrating anal sex toy which will encourage the blood flow and help the muscles to relax. Relaxation is the key to enjoying an anal massage and you don't have to fully penetrate, try a gentle rub or shallow entry with a butt plug or anal probe, it can be all it takes to enhance masturbation and heighten clitoral or vaginal orgasm.

Try incorporating vaginal penetration alongside clitoral massage as it will aid anal penetration and help to build your arousal at the same time. The anal muscles work in the opposite way to the vaginal muscles, therefore when you tighten the vagina the anal muscles will relax and contract. Inserting your dildo or vibrator and pulling your vaginal muscles tightly around the shaft will contract the sphincter muscles and enable a finger or anal sex toy to penetrate more easily. The trick is to slowly insert your sex toy in stages and relax around the toy before moving it further inside. The muscles need time to adapt and the conventional 'thrusting' action of your vaginal dildo just won't be pleasurable!

Find your own pace and depth and experience the enhancement of anal stimulation to your regular masturbation or sex routine.

The Diffusion Technique

Vibrators are the most effective sex toys as a tool for masturbation or an orgasmic aid to intercourse. The vibrations provide a stimulus that make every nerve ending stand to attention and can induce climax in record time. If your clitoris is particularly sensitive or it becomes sensitive at particular times of the month you can try keeping your panties on for masturbation. Simply slide your clitoral vibrator along the side of your inner labia and massage towards the centre of your clitoris using the material as a buffer zone. The vibrations can be felt but won't have your nerve ending twitching right down to your toes.

Similarly when approaching orgasm and arousal levels are at their maximum the vibrator can become too much stimulation, especially through the climax itself. During orgasm try the 'diffusion method' of placing two or three fingers between your vibrator and clitoris continuing to massage in your particular style. The vibration level will be softer and enable you to enjoy the waves of contraction while maintaining direct clitoral contact.

Penis Pleasers

We have amused ourselves this Monday morning with an unscientific survey of the girls with the question "What shouldn't you do to a penis in the course of pleasure" unless of course you really want to hit a man where it hurts! Results as follows: The Penis - cold hands, palms rougher than a navvy, sharp and rough fingernails, excessive pulling, scraping teeth, pulling the foreskin back too far and comparing its size to your ex's (unless its favourable of course). When it comes to the balls it seems that slapping and spanking are a no no, coupled with squeezing or sucking too hard. Concerning the climax no pumping it like a piston straight after he's come, jabbing at the prostate, spitting out the come like its the foulest solution on earth or dribbling it into his mouth straight after. If you have suggestions of your own we would love to hear them!

The Sausage Roll

If the thought of male masturbators makes you think of dismembered torsos and grotesque alien like latex creations, it may be time to take another look. Amongst the plethora of sex toys available the male section now houses some pretty attractive erotic accessories and masturbators can also make great couples sex toys, which can be incorporated into foreplay or used on your man as a masturbatory treat. Get him to put his feet up whilst you work a bit of masturbator magic, perhaps restraining him while you dominate proceedings or playing his favourite porn clip for sheer erotic indulgence.
A great technique for use with a male masturbator is the sausage roll. Take a soft penis sleeve masturbator of choice and apply plenty of sex lubricant. This is essential as the tug of the sex toy without a smooth slide can be painful on the sensitive skin of the penis particularly around the head.
Gently slip the penis inside, taking care to concentrate lube at the opening which is usually tight. Put your hands either side of the penis sleeve and roll it between your palms (which is why lots of lubricant is essential). Once you have built up a rolling rhythm introduce the masturbation move of an up and down stroke, this might feel tricky at first but the sensation will be amazing as the masturbator massages the penis and rolls around the sensitive areas of the foreskin.

Simultaneous lovin

If rabbit vibrators have never been your sex toy of choice but you love the feeling of dual stimulation then adapt your dildo for double pleasure. Simply take a vibrating cock ring and place it over your dildo to the base as you would a penis during intercourse . Gently work the strokes with your dildo to maximise the contact of the vibrator against the clitoris. If you use a g spot sex toy the tip can be massaged against your pleasure spot without pulling the vibrating ring too far from your clitoral area. The feeling of fullness in the vagina whilst enjoying the nerve tingling sensation of clitoral stimulation can bring you to climax before you say bin that bunny.

Sex Toy Tester Wanted

Wanted: Sex Toy Tester for the Sysil Edge

The sex toy manufacturer Mantric have launched a revolution in strap on sex toy. How is the Sysil Edge different from other strap on's? It has a patent pending Flexeloc Smart System that allows the penetrating dildo of the strap on to be adjusted, complementing your sex position perfectly.

Many strap on designs do not allow the wearer to realistically simulate sex, as Mantric points out many protrude high above the pubic bone where the projection of the penis wouldn't naturally originate. Sysil Edge hangs lower than other strap ons and adjusts to suit most sexual positions. This patent pending system simulates the natural thrust of sex in any position from the correct angle whether used for vaginal or anal penetration.

What else appears to be different? The phallus on the Edge is very different from the norm and as far away from a real penis as you can get. If you are looking for a double ended non-phallic sex toy the Edge seems to be a great choice.

Sysil Edge is silicone, phthalate free and has a removable vibrating bullet for cleaning.

We believe in taking a new sex toy and testing it out for ourselves and there is a chance for a couple to be a part of this process. We are looking for partners to take the Sysil Edge and put it through its paces. An honest appraisal is required to some simple questions and a lucky couple get to have much fun in the meantime!

To test the Sysil Edge simply email angelina@theboudoir.net with your details.

Anal Toy Tricks

Anal sex toys are on the up! The sale of sex toys to stimulate this sensitive of erogenous zones has risen and continues to rise. Toys for anal play can be incorporated into self pleasure techniques and make satisfying couples sex toys. Here is a simple saucy suggestion for incorporating anal sex toys into your masturbation technique.

A good way to begin experimenting with anal stimulation is a butt plug. Choose a small plug and either a clitoral vibrator or/and dildo and begin by adding plenty of sex lubricant to your anal toy. Find a comfortable position lying on your back with legs open to the sides or one leg elevated. Begin by using your vibrator for clitoral massage in order to relax, encourage your natural lubrication and raise your arousal levels. When you are ready gently probe inwards with your butt plug, it may seem to work its own way in or need a little encouragement.

The key to using anal sex toys is to relax around the toy at each point of penetration before pushing in a little further. Remember to relax and enjoy the sensation at each stage, tensing up will only cause discomfort. Once your anal toy is firmly in place enjoy the clitoral stimulation in conjunction with the full feeling from the plug. Simultaneously using a dildo will provide an amazing set of sensations for a sheet clenching orgasm (if your hands were free!). Lubricate your dildo and remember that the plug and your sex toy will be competing for space a little and your dildo may take a little more encouragement than usual to penetrate. Once you have both sex toys in place you will benefit from increased vaginal stimulation as the plug forces the dildo into a tighter space and if you continue with the clitoral massage will take you to a powerful climax to tingle your toes!

Sex & Ice

Ice has long been used during sex play for its stimulating sensation,
a juxtaposition of extreme cold and the extreme heat of your body. Running an ice cube over the most sensitive areas of a woman's body heightens sensation and arousal, the perfect tool for caressing the buttocks, neck, thighs, nipples and clitoris. Sex toys such as glass and Pyrex dildos can be chilled for those that desire icy cold stimulus on skin but what about the worlds first vibrating ice massager?

The Touche ice massager is a sex toy with a difference, incorporating the thrilling sensations of ice with the stimulation of a vibrator all rolled in one. The ice container can be separated from the silicone grip to fill with water and replaced to pop in the freezer until solid. When ready the ice holder can be slid off, a bit like making a kids ice lolly, with the exception of the vibrating bullet which is inserted back into the sex toy when ready. As your temperature rises the contrast of ice, silicone and vibrating bullet won't cool you down.
Remember that this icy sex toy needs adequate time to prepare (about 4 hours) so pop it back in the freezer after each use hidden behind the frozen peas!